One follower of Twilight decided to post the most absurd twilight articles, posts, and new stories of the year. Some of them are actually very twisted, specifically the first one– which I just heard about myself! To check out more articles on this, click here.
But below is the list of the most absurd “twilight-ness” of 2009!

• The Bella uterus made of felt.  (See above).  It’s broken because there’s a telepathic vampire adult-baby trying to escape, you see.
• “My Life is Twilight.“   “Today I realized that since I started reading the TwilightTwilight books, every time my husband and I argue or he says something mean to me, all I can think of is ‘Edward would never say that/ treat me like that.’ MLIT”  FML. F all our Ls.
• The New Moon missed connection. “after the movie i followed you and your friend to perkin’s. i waited outside in my car so i could watch you eat and smile. i followed you home and made sure you got there safely.i noticed you left you car unlocked so i went to have a look into your life. i can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common.”
• “I wanna be a stupid lamb.”
• The Twilight Prom, the loneliest place on Earth. “Hillywood Players walked amongst them dressed as Bella, Jasper, Alice and Edward — the latter had his shirt open to reveal his chest, naturally. After sniffing a few potential mates, “Edward” chose his dancing partner from among the blushing fans”
• Google never lies: offers Twilight fansplus-sized jeans and a link to the Sex Offender Registry.  (I got my sex offender a toaster.)
• Abstinence parable fans visit Italy, only to be groped by real-life Italian convicts.
• The Associated Press can’t tell Twilightdouches apart either.
• Put Edward Cullen’s face over your vagina, that way it feels like a guy might actually see it.
• Blood energy drink.
• Google search suggests “How to Become a Vampire.”  Vampires are the undead, so wouldn’t the first step be killing yourself?
• The Edward Cullen corn maze. Corn mazes FTW, always.
• And finally, even though it’s from 2008, Tyra Banks makes Twihards compete for memorabilia… in a pie-eating contest. It’s only because they couldn’t figure out the logistics of a loneliness contest.